I have suddenly runout of what to say, well I am a spectator again, of my own life. I know that, I am trying too hard. It was only friday that I had put the hand gun next to the bottle of scotch on my table. but I believe it takes more than just scotch and whiskey to make you pull that trigger or not pull it. Some how some where I feel the presence of something that seems to have a rather uncanny resemblance with you. But it can not be her. She had left me.
But my mind has taken her form, the good parts. And lovely in a way, it enjoys torturing me with making her presence felt, in the morning and at night. I feel the hold of me slowly surrendering to this part. I do not know what will happen, once it is done. But I am sure it won’t be much of an help. I just feel, as if I want to share something with some one. But I have no idea, what it is and who it might be.
The recesses of my mind, where I am lost t night. Are growing darker still. Its is getting difficult to hold on to the side, that was gifted to me in light, and I rather am sinking in a darker self which has a mind of its own. I believe sometimes we all need someone to make us stop.
You see, you need a woman when you are too sad or when you are too happy. The rest of the time you can be with yourself. So I guess I need to chase something new again. But what if I don’t want to anymore? Tired of running now. But its not that late now is it?
Its quite alright.