I have never actually been happy. But I had hoped, with all my heart that some day my pursuit of happiness would stop, for how ever brief a moment it might be. But that never happened. I am tired of looking under the rest of the rocks that are thrown at me by life and other things. I don’t want to look any more.

Books bring me joy. Its an addiction, I am thankful to have. I have a loving set of parents, so to speak. I grew up in a very inebriated and unhappy household and have had always wondered what happiness would look like. 

A little rendezvous would have been nice. A tiny piece of a happy memory to keep my demons away. But, alas it wasn’t the part of my design from the greater scheme of things. I accept my defeat. I surrender to the gloom and melancholy I have been awarded with.


Today I give up on the pursuits of happiness, love and wonder.


I am going to be really grumpy from now on.




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