I have been a Bengali all my life I quite didn’t have another choice I have stayed in UK, US and Australia. I was living in Germany a few weeks ago. But the inconsolable want for company and empathy haunts me everyday that I live. It really doesn’t matter if I stay in a foreign land or in my motherland it’s never gone.
I tried to win the battle by making myself more and more relevant each day that drove me nuts and even when I drove it got a problem very unknown I started becoming paranoid.
Now I am engrossing in work all the time even though I don’t like it and when someone calls me out there I do not go. I keep to myself. I work I come home. I confided to weed but my mother caught it and it’s a mess right there. I have to present my ideas to the big bosses and I am scared for that.
I am afraid each day every second of my life and lost my will to live I don’t know how I make it through the night and day. I am taking antidepressants and I write but I don’t know how long I’ll survive.
I need someone to hold my hand and guide me out of this abyss that got created, I want to be happy or whatever the hell that means.